TESTIMONIES
by Taryn Walters Ontiveros
When I was eight years old, I was at school on the playground and I saw my mom. “That’s odd”, I thought, “Why’s Mom here?” Then someone brought my brother and sister to us and we began to walk to the car.
“We’re having company”, my mom said.
“Why?” asked my brother.
“We’re just going to have some family stay with us for a while”, she said.
“Is Dad okay?” my brother asked.
When my mom didn’t answer, he asked again, “Did dad get shot?”
“Let’s just get to the car”, mom said.
When we reached the car a fellow police officer and friend of my dad’s was there waiting for us. When we were all in the car, mom turned to us and said, “I need you to be really strong . . . . Daddy died.”
“No! No! No!” I wailed.
“Was he shot?” my brother asked.
“Yes”, mom said.
The next few days are blank to me. They tell me I needed to be tranquilized because I couldn’t stand the pain. I was changed forever.
The years went by and the hate in my heart grew for the man who killed my dad. Although I knew Jesus and I was living a life for Christ, I thought I was justified in my feelings. No way would anybody, not even God who knew my pain so well, expect me to forgive a man who was not only a murderer but murdered MY DAD.
Officer Rick Albee was my dad’s partner. During the shoot-out, Rick killed the man who killed my dad. Rick later went on to become a Christian because of this incident and shared his testimony with thousands, seeing lives changed all over the country. “That’s wonderful”, I thought. “That something so beautiful can come from something so tragic.” Rick’s testimony became my testimony. I would share of my loss then would share of Rick’s experiences in the Lord. All the while I was harboring hatred in my own heart.
When I was 18, I was blessed with the wonderful opportunity to travel with a Christian singing group for the summer. During our preparation for the tour, we were instructed to go off on our own and take a couple of hours to prepare our personal testimony. Someone would share their testimony with the audience every night for three months during these concerts. It was then God spoke to me. He told me I needed to forgive the man who killed my dad. At first I was ashamed for thinking such thoughts. I mean what kind of daughter would forgive the man who killed her father? That’s a betrayal. But there was no mistaking God’s voice. When my heart felt as if it were beating out of my chest, I knew what I needed to do.
In Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus tells us the parable of the unmerciful servant. The servant begs the king for mercy and forgiveness of his debt. The king takes pity on him, cancels the debt and lets him go. As the servant is leaving he finds one of his fellow servant who owes him money. As the fellow servant begs for mercy the first servant shows no pity and has him thrown in jail to be tortured until he can repay the debt. When the king hears of this he has the first servant thrown in jail also. Jesus said, “So My heavenly Father will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespass” (vs. 35). I began to sob and beg for God’s forgiveness in my life. As I did that, I was able to release that hatred I held onto for so long and forgive this man. What a relief! I had never before known such peace.
During that summer as I had the opportunity to share my testimony (it was my testimony now. It wasn’t Rick’s anymore) God brought dozens of people to a point in their lives where they also had to forgive. I saw people who were victims of child molestation, rape, business deals gone bad, family members of murder victims (I could go on and on) let it all go and give it to God. It was almost a visible transformation. And I felt great. That is, for a couple of years.
When I was planning my wedding it suddenly hit me. “Dad’s not here to walk me down the aisle.” Guess what? I got angry. I asked God why I was feeling this way if I had forgiven this man. He told me I needed to do it again. “I did, Lord. Why again?” God said, “Taryn, I forgive you everyday.” “But God, I didn’t murder anyone. My sins aren’t that bad. Jesus said in Matthew 5:21-22, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell” (NIV). And God said to me, “I sent my son for him just as I did for you. I sent my son to die for every sinner.”
So here we go again. “Please forgive me, Lord”, I prayed as I released my forgiveness again. As I did, I began to feel good again. As my first child is born, then my second, then my third, those “feelings” were nowhere in sight.
There were times when I had thoughts of, “My dad should be here to see his grandchildren. He was only 31 when he died. Where is the justice in that?” God reminded me that life isn’t about justice or judgment. That’s not my business. It’s His. My business, my job is to obey His word. Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me” (John 14:23-26 NIV).
Forgiveness isn’t something we do for someone else. The man who killed my dad is dead. How could he benefit from my forgiveness? He can’t. But I wish he were alive so I could go to him and tell him I love him and forgive him. I can just imagine the things God could have done in his life? Or maybe the man wouldn’t have even cared. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person. It’s about us. It’s about you. It’s something you do for yourself. When you forgive, you free your soul from bondage, and you allow God to pour out His blessings on you. Remember, “feelings” come and go. To forgive is to obey, and to obey is a choice . . . . a daily choice.
I’ll obey and serve You
I’ll obey because I love You
I’ll obey, my life is in Your hands
For it’s the way to prove my love
When feelings go away
If it costs my everything
I’ll obey. |
|
 |
| |
|
 |
| SHIELD OF FAITH |
|
|
For more information,
call (951) 687-6902
Attention Juanita
|
| |
| |
 |
|
