How to Get a New Husband

Madison Avenue discovered long ago that three words can help to sell a product: "new and improved." There is something in us that wants the newest, the finest, the fastest and the latest model of anything.

Unfortunately, this line of thinking has entered the realm of marriage as well. On your wedding day, you meant every word of your vows, and that person was the love of your life. You vowed to be the best husband that ever was. You would dedicate your life to making this person happy. But you neglected the maintenance of your marriage. You didn't keep it tuned up. It began looking more like a junker than that new model that caught your eye—that sensitive guy who actually listened to what you had to say, or that young girl who thinks that you have hung the moon. So you decide to trade in the your old model for the new one. That is not the way it has to be.

Today I want to talk to wives about how to get a new husband. I do not mean leaving him for another man, but helping him become a new man!


Christian Wives and Unbelieving Husbands

Sometimes Christian women who are married to non-believers will meet wonderful godly men at church. In time, they may think the Lord is leading them to leave their husbands and remarry. But this is not what Scripture teaches.

Scripture says, "If any brother has a wife who is a not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will not save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:12-13, 16).


The Keys to Change Your Man

Before you can help to turn your husband into a new man, perhaps you need to think about becoming a new woman—specifically, a virtuous woman. This entails understanding what you should and should not be.

1. What a Woman Should Not Be (The World's Model)
   Read 1 Peter 3:1-6
   
   In this passage, Peter warns women against majoring on externals while ignoring the inside. The Greek word for "adorning" in verse three is "cosmos," where we get the English word, "cosmetic." The practice of Roman women at the time of this writing was to wear towering hairdo's with nets of gold and expensive combs in it. They would dye their hair in outlandish colors, then place golden rings and bracelets around their arms, ankles and neck. When speaking of the "putting on of fine apparel," Peter was referring to the frequent change of clothing with the purpose of impressing people.
   
   While God does not condemn a woman for dressing herself attractively, He does say that she should not be preoccupied with it. Remember the words of Jesus:

   "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" (Matthew 6:25)

   Women who consume themselves with their outward appearance alone will wind up shallow and empty.
   
2. What A Woman Should Be ( God's Model )
   Read Proverbs 31:11-31
   
   King Lemuel, the author of this Proverb, gives us the model of the woman after God's own heart. This writing is based upon the advice his mother gave him, "When you look for a woman, look for a balanced one, one who does take thought of her physical appearance, but one who recognized that her spiritual life is the most important of all."
   
   This passage describes a woman who is growing mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. She is maturing, becoming a deeper woman of God each and every day. Yet, she is also extremely practical.
   
   She is virtuous.

   "Who can find a virtuous wife?" (v.10)

   The word "virtuous" in this text means "a woman of force and strength." This is a woman of influence and strength, yet she is feminine. She is spiritually, morally, mentally and physically strong.
   
   She is trustworthy. 

   "The heart of her husband safely trusts in her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."
   (vv.11-12)

   Truth is such an important virtue in the successful marriage. This is one of the reasons why adultery can be so devastating. The trust factor is dramatically damaged because a pattern of lying has usually proceeded it. Yet this woman has her husband's complete trust. The husband knows that she will always be supportive of him, no matter what. He also knows his money, resources and possessions are safe in her care.
   
   Here is something worth remembering in a Christian Marriage: never criticize your mate to others or in a public setting. If you want to correct or disagree with him, do it privately. Publicly, however, always support him. Let people know that you and your husband are one.
   
   She does her work eagerly and diligently.

   "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." (vv.13-15, NIV)

   Not only does this woman keep her family well-clothed, but she goes out of her way to find the finest, freshest ingredients for their meals. This requires good planning and management.
   
   She is a good businesswoman.

   "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." (v.16, NIV)

   The feminist movement has tried to prove that a woman who stays at home is really not working. However, anyone who has ever tended to a household knows that it is constant work. It is no nine-to-five job. It is basically 18 hours a day (and often more!). Though, this passage does not advocate that every woman needs to work out of her home. Its underlying theme is that this woman is resourceful, and she carefully manages her money.
   
   She keeps herself in good physical shape. 

   "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms." (v. 17)

   Needless to say, because of the constant manual labor required at this time, trips to the gym were not needed. In our time, however, we may need to make exercise a discipline of our life.
   
   Scripture tells us, "Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things..." (Timothy 4:8 NIV). The pursuit of godliness is more important than the pursuit of a slim waist and trim figure. On the other hand, Scripture does not forbid you from presenting yourself in an attractive way. It does say that physical training is of some value. Being sloppy and unkept is not a virtue. The godly woman will find that balance between the spiritual and the physical in her life.
   
   We have to work with what God has given us and do our best to be as physically attractive to our mate as we can, without neglecting our spiritual character in the presses.
   
   She is submissive to her husband.

   "Be submissive to your own husbands. . . ."
   (1 Peter 3:1a)

   The wife may protest, "My husband is failing to love me as Christ loves the church; therefore, I am not required to submit to him." But that is not what the Bible teaches!
   
   First of all, one needs a biblical understanding of what submission is and is not. It clearly dose not mean that a wife is to have no opinion of her own, nor does it mean that she is destined to blindly submit herself to the whims of an overbearing husband. On the other hand, it does mean that she should think of herself and her fulfillment first before submitting to her husband.
   
   Are there limits to submission?
   
   Colossians 3:18 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." The limit to submission would be is if your husband asked you to violate God's will. For instance, if your husband asked you to do something immoral or illegal, you would not be required to submit. Likewise, God would not require a wife to submit to the physical abuse of herself or her children. As long as it is fit in the Lord, however, you should submit.
   
3. Principles to Effectively Reaching Your Husband for Christ
   
   In God's ideal order, each partner would be living and thinking about the other more than themselves. Yet, in less than ideal situations, Peter tells us how a believing wife can effectively reach a non-believing husband for Jesus Christ—or motivate a complacent husband to greater spirituality.
   
   
   1. Be a Silent Persuader.
      Peter tells the wife that you can effectively reach your husband without a word (v.1). Your husband will not be won to the Lord by telling him what to do, but by showing him what to do. Your actions speak louder than words. You live the godly life, and God will do the saving.
      
      Avoid the temptation to manipulate.
      The word "manipulate" means "to manage or to influence by artful or devious skill; to change something to suit one's purpose or advantage." Manipulation will never be a lasting change. If someone is manipulated into doing something, then he can also be manipulated out of doing it.
      
      Avoid the temptation to nag.
      A woman will usually resort to this when she feels that her husband is not paying attention to her. King Solomon (who had 1000 wives) wrote, "The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping" (Proverbs 19:13). He also said, "better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife" (Proverbs 21:19). Nagging will only drive a husband away, not draw him in. Remember to notice what he has done—and not what he has not done.
      
      Watch what you do and say.
      Proverbs 12:18 says,

      "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

   2. Cultivate the Peace of God in Your Life.
      Peter tells women to not let their adornments be merely outward, but to let it be the hidden person of the heart (v.4). The J.B.Phillips translation describes it as "the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit."
      
      Quiet does not mean lack of noise or activity, but lack of agitation or harshness. It does not mean that a woman can not differ with her husband. She has a God given right and responsibility to set her husband straight if he is off course. Instead, it means that she is to cultivate the peace of God in her life. Then, when she speaks, her husband will listen.

Wives, if you follow these biblical principles, you will help to break the ground of a hardened heart.

Part VII