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"The Need for Godly Fathers" They are unsung heroes of America today. They are greater than any athlete, rock star or actor. They are more influential than any politician. They are good and godly fathers. While a godly father can have such a significant influence on his children—and, as a result, the next generation— tragically, the father that faithfully stands by his wife and children is becoming more of an oddity. The Absent Father Throughout history, men have been torn from their families by war, disease, and death. But in this millennium in America, men are choosing to disconnect from family life on a massive scale—and at far higher rates than other industrialized countries. Consequently, we are in danger of becoming a fatherless society. Father Greg Boyle of Dolores Mission Church in East Los Angeles once listed the names of 100 gang members that came to mind and then jotted a family history next to each. All but five were no longer living with their biological fathers—if they ever had. Without men around as role models, adolescent boys create their own rites of passage: perhaps getting a girl pregnant, dealing with drugs, or murdering a rival. I believe the root of American's problem with absent fathers can be traced to the same destructive cause of America's marital problems: selfishness. When it gets a little bit hard, or you're no longer happy, or a more attractive woman than your precious wife comes along, you bail out. Yet, if more men understood what God has to say about the difference a godly father can make in the lives of his children, he wouldn't even entertain such thoughts. The Impact of a Godly Father Fathers are the visible link children have to their Father in heaven. In many ways, the viewpoint our children develop about God will come from us. The potential impact of a godly father is almost immeasurable. Consider the impact of one godly father, Jonathan Edwards, This famous early American pastor, writer, and one-time president of Princeton University had 11 children. Of his known male descendants:
In spite of Jonathan Edwards' busy schedule of writing, teaching and pastoring (he was known to have studies 13 hours a day), he made it a habit to come home and spend an hour each day with his children. "A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you, and were helped by you, will remember you. So carve your name on hearts and not on marble" Biblical Principles for Effective Fathering. "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord," Ephesians 6:4 Do Not Provoke To provoke a child to anger suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment in the child, which eventually boils over in the form of hostility. This can be done in several ways. 1. Showing Favoritism: In the Old Testament, Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecah preferred Jacob over Esau. This favoritism created a conflict that followed those boys well into their adult years. Jacob then repeated the cycle later in life by favoring his son Joseph over his brothers. This created a great conflict and jealousy between Joseph and his brothers. It can be discharging and even devastating to compare one of your children to another. The resentment that builds in a child who is constantly compared with his or her siblings can be carried well into that child's adult years, where he or she constantly tries to win your approval. Your children need to know that you are always in his or her court—No matter how well or how poorly your child achieves in academics or sports. Your child needs to know that you love and support him or her regardless of performance. Even when the prodigal son was in a far country away from his father, he still knew that his father loved him and would welcome his return. He also knew that there would be repercussions for his actions. Yet, he never doubted that his father would take him back. 2. Never Complimenting Your Child: You need to verbally tell your children that you love them. You need to notice their achievements and give them credit for what they are doing while enabling them to see their own potential and to strive to do even better. It's a delicate balance. You can over-praise children and not encourage them to be all that they are capable of being. This sets them up for great disappointment in the future. On the other hand, you can under-praise a child and not give credit where credit is due. At this point, your child has no reason to even try. A child needs approval and encouragement in things that are good, every bit as much as he or she needs correction in things that are not. Bring Them up in the Training and Admonition of the Lord. In this passage, Paul refers to himself as a nursing mother and an encouraging father. While this passage is directed to the Thessalonian believers, Paul uses what would be considered the natural action of a mother and father to illustrate his affection for those children in the Lord. From this, we can draw some scriptural conclusions regarding the roles of parents. "... A nursing mother cherishes her own children." (v.7) Of all the words that Paul could use to show affection, he chose one that we all could understand—a mother. The phrase "affectionately longing for you" means "to feel oneself drawing to something or someone. "It is the picture of a father who holds and treats a little child tenderly, feeling drawn to that little one. This fond affection for our children is not only to be reserved for them when they are tiny and vulnerable. We need to continue to love and care for them through their different stages of development. "...Impart not only the gospel...but also our own lives." (v. 8) There is no greater joy than to see our children embrace Christ as their own Savior. David tells his son Solomon, "as for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands all the intent of your thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever" (1 Chronicles28:9). As the Apostle John says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth" (3 John 4). How do we reach our children with the gospel? Our children need to see the gospel lived as well as preached. It is a bad thing to never tell our children about the Lord. But it is even worse to tell them about the Lord, and then blatantly contradict it with hypocritical living. As believing fathers, we need to set the example by modeling a true Christian lifestyle. Andrew Murray once said, "The secret of home rule is self rule, first being ourselves what we want our children to be." It Begins with You. Moses, speaking to a group of Israelites, said, "Hear, O Israel...you shall love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength, and these words which I command today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you talk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." Before we can tell our children about the Lord, we must develop our own fellowship with God. We can not lead a child any further than we have come. We then must teach the world naturally, spontaneously and consistently to our children. "The Bible is alive; it speaks to me. If we want to "turn our world upside down" like the early church, we must get back to the principles they lived by. That includes continuing in the Apostles' doctrine by being learners of God's Word. May His Word become part and parcel of our lives. |
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