How to Have a Strong and Happy Marriage

Some people spend more time planning a wedding than preparing for a marriage. They spend more time thinking about what they will wear for a one-hour ceremony than what they will do to build a strong marriage that should last the rest of their life on earth. They spend more time building a house than a home.

A Happy and Strong Marriage Is No Accident

Sometimes we hear the phrase, “They have a marriage made in heaven,” implying that some marriages are destined to be good, while some marriages are destined to be bad. Such thinking suggests that marriage has a life all its own, and the only way to find out if you have a good one or a bad one is to give it a shot.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage is a lot like a mirror. It reflects. It gives back a reflection of you. If you do not like the way you look, don’t blame the mirror!

In order for a marriage to be strong and fulfilling, it takes the effort of the partners involved.

A strong and happy marriage is the result of an obedience to God and His Word, and a laying aside of the world’s distorted take it or leave it concept of marriage.

I can say, without hesitation, that marriage God’s way–next to salvation itself–is the most fulfilling and wonderful thing I know. As Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

An Alarming Trend

Sadly, flourishing marriages are not the norm today. The statistics are alarming:

• The divorce rate has risen 700% in this century—and continues to rise.
• There is now 1 divorce for every 1.8 marriages.
• Over one million children a year are involved in divorce cases.

This breakdown of the family has had a devastating effect upon our nation as a whole. And when we tamper with God’s plan, we do so at our own peril.

“The breakdown of the family contributes significantly to the major problems confronting our society today. Research data make unmistakably clear a strong relationship between broken families and the drug epidemic, the increase of violent crime, and the unprecedented epidemic of suicide among children and adolescents,” says Dr. Armand Nicholi, professor at the Harvard Medical School and a staff physician at Massachusetts General Hospital

If we want to have the marriage that God wants us to have—a marriage that can withstand the inevitable storms of life, we must get back to the principles God has laid out in His Word.

God’s Original Design
Read Genesis 2:15-25

God Created Man and Woman for Companionship

1. Adam’s Original Job Description (vv. 15-17).
As you read the creation account of Adam, you might say that he had it made. His job description was to discover the secrets of the garden and enjoy fellowship with God and His creation. He enjoyed the companionship of the animal kingdom. He even took time to name them—but something was missing.

2. God Sees Adam’s Loneliness (v. 18).
Throughout the creation account, we read the phrase, “God saw that it was good.” Yet, when God saw Adam’s loneliness, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (v. 18). This is the first time God had said that something was not good.

3. God Makes a Helper Comparable to Adam (v. 18).
The word “helper” in Hebrew could be best translated, “Someone who assists another to reach fulfillment.” It is used elsewhere in the Old Testament when referring to someone coming to rescue another.

The phrase “comparable to him” could also be translated “suitable to him,” or, more literally, “corresponding to him.” Eve would provide what was missing in Adam’s life.

“Eve was made by God not out of [Adam’s] head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, but under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved." –Matthew Henry

God Wants a Husband and Wife to Leave and Cleave

1. Marriage begins with leaving (v. 24). Marriage begins with a leaving of all other relationships. Note that in verse 24, God specifies the closest relationship outside of marriage—the parental relationship. In essence, God is implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then certainly all lesser ties must be broken, changed or left behind.

The man’s primary commitment must be to his wife, and the woman’s primary commitment must be to her husband. Each must still honor his or her parents, but a leaving must take place. Otherwise, this attachment can be extremely detrimental to the marriage.

• Leaving means to give other relationships a lesser degree of importance. Your husband or wife is not just to be your spouse and lover—he or she should also be your best friend! Malachi 2:14 says, “The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
• Leaving means to give other activities outside of the marriage a lesser priority. This means that your business, career, house, hobbies, interests, and even church work should come after your relationship with your spouse. The order should be God, family, service!

2. Marriage involves a cleaving (v. 24). It is no use leaving unless you are willing to spend a lifetime cleaving. Becoming one flesh suggests a process, not an instant fact. This begins at the marriage altar and is a lifelong pursuit.

To cleave means to “adhere to, to stick, to be attached by some strong tie.” The verb suggests a determined action in its essential meaning. In other words, we hold on because we choose to hold on. There is nothing passive about the act of cleaving.

In the New Testament, the Greek form of the word “cleave” means “to stick like glue, to be welded together so the two cannot be separated without serious damage to both.”

Points to Ponder

If you are married, take stock of your life periodically and make sure that you are applying these basic principles. Ask yourself these questions:

• Is there any relationship or pursuit in my life right now that would put distance between me and my mate?
• Will my current activities or friendships build our relationship up or tear it down?
• Are my mate and I leaving and cleaving as God intended?

If you fall short of God’s original design for husbands and wives, take steps now to change the direction of your marriage. If you do, God will bless your marriage.

Part II